Happy.

The past few days, I've been thinking a lot about my life and the people in it.

I used to have this dream. I literally had it, like once a week in high school and the dream went like this...

I walk into a gym, like a high school gymnasium, and everyone who's ever entered into my life (even for a short time) is standing there in rows. They're frozen, just standing there, perfectly still. And then the ENTIRE dream is me walking to each and every person and telling them how they've impacted me and my world both positively and negatively. I told them what I honestly thought of their actions and attitudes toward me, and then I'd move on to the next person.

It's the strangest dream I've ever had, and the frequency in which I've had this dream is insane. Well, as I said, I used to have this dream in high school... I had it for a couple years afterwards, I still had it... up until about 2 years ago... And then last night, it came back. it was different though. None of my high school friends were there. it was all of my new friends, my new family. It was an interesting and enlightening experience. I said things to these "statues" that I would never have said in real life. Lol. There's not really a point to telling you, the reader, this story. It's insane to think about.

I had a really good day today. My kids were especially good today at work. They were absolutely angels, and that happens on only RARE occasions, so I couldn't help but smile :) then I came home from work, and my room mates and Brandon were getting started on moving our newest room mate's bed upstairs into her room as a surprise. I was sooo happy that I got home just in time to help :) Then I had a yummy dinner and got to watch some episodes of Private Practice. I got to chat with 2 good friends, one on a mission and one serving in Afghanistan.

All in all, I've had an amazing day, and I thank God every day for the people and the opportunities He's given me.

Life is good. God provides.

Until next time.

Thoughts.

Do you ever get kept up at night because your mind is racing?

This has been happening to me a lot lately. There are SO many things going on in my life, and so many thoughts to go along with that, that sometimes I'm up until the wee hours of the morning going over and over things in my mind.

I'm one of those people that gets stressed out easily. I'm also one of those people that bottles up emotions (When I feel the need), until there's just an unbearable amount of emotion.

I know it's a horrible habit. I know I shouldn't do it. I know it's unbiblical and unhealthy.

Regardless.

That's apparently my style.

I Am Changing.

Look at me
Look at me

I am changing, tryin' every way I can
I am changing, I'll be better than I am
I'm trying-to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you-I need a hand

I am changing, seeing everything so clear
I am changing, I'm gonna start right now, right here
I'm hoping to work it out, and I know that I can
But I need you, I need a hand


All my life I've been a fool
Who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost
How many dark nights have I known


Walking down that wrong road, there was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness-can make a person blind
But now I can see


I am changing, tryin every way I can
I am changing, I'll be better than I am
But I need a friend-to help me start all over again,
oh-that would be just fine
I know it's gonna work out this time
'Cause this time I am-This time I am


I am changing, gonna get my life together now
I am changing, yes, I know how
I'm gonna start again, I'm leaving my past behind
I'll change my life-I'll make a vow
And nothing's gonna stop me now

Dance.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy today (one of my favorite shows), and it was the episode where Callie and Arizona get married.

It's really hard for me to watch weddings any more, because in every single wedding there's a father/daughter dance.

I really hate the fact that I won't ever get to have that dance.

It makes me unbelievably sad.

Stressed

I feel like I have a lot of stresses in my life right now, and it's taking it's toll.

Work is rough. The number of kids in the daycare has dropped, so my hours have been cut a LOT. So, I've been job searching... but obviously there's not a lot out there... So I'm worried.

I feel this REALLY strong feeling that I'm supposed to write out my testimony. I talked about it at camp with one of my friends, and he said that I should work on it. Write it out. But I don't want to. Lol. I know that sounds weird... but I just don't want to. There are people in this group, in our college group, that have been around me for YEARS, and if I gave my testimony, they would be more than a little surprised at some of my stories. Ya know? I'm afraid of the judgement. And then, on top of all that, I don't understand why someone would care about my story. I don't understand how my story... my struggles, my accomplishments, my life... would make a difference to anyone. You know what I mean? I don't know. So, I was talking about this with Derek last night, and he pointed out that there's just so many little signs telling me that this is what I should do. Write it out.

UGH.

I don't know. Lol. The thought of telling people about my life story just freaks me out.

But the signs are there. So it's time to work.

I need help.

Hey there everyone.

So I have an issue. Most of you know that I work at Shadow Hills, in the daycare. Well, unfortunately, because of the lack of enrollment and a host of other reasons, they've cut my hours back A LOT.

So the job search begins.

Anyone know of anyone hiring?

I could really use some help. I'm out of ideas.

Beautiful.

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Tryin' hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?

'Cause you are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
No matter what we do
(No matter what we say)
No matter what we say
(We're the song that's outta tune)
(Full of beautiful mistakes)

(And everywhere we go)
And everywhere we go
(The sun will always shine)
The sun will always, always shine!
(But tomorrow we might awake on the other side)

'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today