I can only imagine.

Last night was phenomenal.

We had our usual Tuesday night service for the college group at my church, and it was beyond amazing. We started a new sermon-series called "F.I.S.H.", where we will learn more about the importance, and more how-to's on evangelizing to our non-believing friends and family. At the end of the sermon, taught by Tony Angelo, we were challenged to write down names.

With a little white piece of paper and a pen, we were going to make a promise and a pledge to start praying for God to move in the lives of our loved ones who haven't accepted Jesus in their lives. By writing these names, we made a commitment, and it was to be taken seriously.

I am glad to say that over the course of last evening, 378 names were written down.

Process that.

378 people are being prayed for every single day. Their salvation. Their lives. Their well-being is being prayed for. It gets better... There is going to be a master list made of ALL 378 first names, and everyone in the college group will recieve a copy of the list.

Process that!

There are a couple hundred people in our college group. Those couple hundred people will DAILY be praying for those 378 people.The lives and salvations of those people are going to change.

This is a movement.

This is going to transform some lives.

The Holy Spirit power is stirring things up, and it's gonna get fun!

I don't like that

At the preschool I work at, we teach the kids to "use their words". We teach them that if someone is bothering you in a way that you don't like, that its okay to say "I don't like that".

This cracks me up, and makes me proud at the same time. Sometimes I'll overhear one of the kids using our little catch phrase, and it always makes me smile. On the one hand, sometimes they'll say "I don't like that" if someone disagrees on a rule for a game or doesn't want to be sidekick-Robin to their Batman. Then there are the proud moments, when someone is truly bothering them, that they say those words loud and proud.

Why do I enjoy these moments? Well, I'll tell you. When I was a kid, I was taught some pretty dang lousy communication skills. I, even now, hate to talk things out. I hate talking about feelings. I hate sorting through overly serious subjects, and I take any kind of criticism to heart more than the average person, I feel like.

All of this being said, I am proud of the kids at my work when they use their "good words", because I feel like I'm passing on a good skill to future generations, even if it's not one I possess most of the time myself.

Emotional outlet

Well, reader, I got a message on Facebook late last night saying and I quote "keep the depressing sad s*** about your dad off of Facebook".

Okay, whoa partner. When I first read it, I was in shock. It came from someone I know, and someone I thought would've been supportive during this particular month. I am not an emotional person. Everyone knows that. But in the rare and random moments I post about needing prayer, I expect support. Unfortunately, this time around, that didn't happen.

I just feel... wrecked. December is the month I hate the most ANYWAY, because of my dad, but it also the busiest month at my work. The hours are long, and the kids are wild. And I am unbelievably thankful for a job, but I'm just tired. I wake up in the middle of the night, every single night, because my teeth and gums are throbbing with pain. I still feel a fairly deep disconnect from so many people in my life, and I just don't seem to be able to fix it.

Pardon my whining. Lol

A disconnect

Do you ever have certain points in your life timeline where you lol around and feel completely disconnected?

I'm going through this... I don't know, stage? I feel like, so many things are happening and so many things are changing, that instead of trying to balance everything, I've just shut down. I've just physically and emotionally disconnected myself from SO many things lately. It's crazy.

Im not sure I'm even explaining myself very well. Haha.

Okay. For example. My college group at my church. We are a group of amazing 18-25 year old people who love Jesus. Okay. There are some awesome people in my group, there's no doubting that, but lately, there's been this ever-growing feeling of disconnect. I'm at the point where I feel like there are very few people I can actually talk to there. I'm at the point where most times I don't even want to BE there. And you know the worst part? Sometimes I'll find myself at the end of a LOGOS night, and when everyone gets up and chit chats, I just stand there. I feel like no one cares about me, because no one really ever comes over and talks to me. And I don't want this to sound like I'm exaggerating, because I'm not. It literally happens every single Tuesday and Sunday.

I realize this is probably very out of the blue for you as my reader. I generally have a pretty easy life going. But lately. I don't know. I just feel like nobody cares.

I hate talking about feelings

If you've ever read my blog, or my Facebook or even my twitter, you know that I don't like talking about my feelings. Talking through them makes me unbearably uncomfortable and it lets people into my little private world.

All of that being said, this is going to be one of those rare blog posts where I divulge personal thoughts, and as uncomfortable as it's making me, I feel it must be done.

I used to love the holidays. I used to love the music and the food and the general overall "happy spirit" everyone gets between Halloween and New Years. Now a days, I just hate it. I feel like I lost my holiday spirit when my dad died. He was the one who wanted to drive around for hours and look at lights. He was the one who loved all the food, the turkey and mashed potatoes and everything else. He's the one who would watch the same Christmas movies over and over. And he was the one who would play marathon game of monopoly to ring in the new year. He was my best friend, my constant.

All of this being said, I know I have people who love me in my life right now. I know I still have my mom and my other family. I know I still have my church. I know all of these things. AND I know that three days before he died, my dad decided to love Jesus, so ONE DAY I will get to see and talk to him again. I know all of these things.

But when I sit alone in my little apartment, or when I'm driving in my car, or really anywhere, I miss him. I miss him all day, every single day. I've tried to fill that void with other things, which, of course, turn out badly. I've done everything I've ever been advised to do to make myself feel better, and still, here I am. Surrounded by people, and lonelier than I've ever been.

My one political post

Good afternoon.

I don't often write about controversial issues, because while I believe my beliefs are correct, I don't like to start fights. But tomorrow is November sixth, Election Day, and it's a heated and very serious topic of discussion amongst my friends, family and coworkers.

I voted for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan for two specific reasons (though there are many to debate about).

Number one. President Obama had all these visions and promises of "hope and change", and while I admire his drive, over the past four years, our country has gone downhill in everything. We are trillions of dollars in the hole. Our test scores, and funding for our education system is pathetic. Our unemployment numbers are reprehensible. And we have record numbers of people on public assistance. Yes, Mr. President, you did bring change, but not good change.

Number two. Mitt Romney has some good plans. He has legitimate plans to help create jobs and cut spending. Real, plausible, plans, that when out into action, could put our country on the track towards what it once was. He has a good moral and business background, and to find a candidate like that now a days is rare. A lot of people criticize Mr. Romney for being Mormon. In elementary school, we were taught that the early settlers came to this country in search of religious freedom. I may not agree with 100% of Mr. Romney's beliefs, but who am I to judge him? He and I stand on the same side on a lot of important issues, and that's what matters.

Tomorrow is an important day.

Go out and vote.

Make your voice heard, and make it count.

This has been quite a month

I haven't blogged in a month, because it's been one of the craziest months of my life.

My last post was all about my impending surgery, and I'm happy to say that it went well!! I've had a few procedures now actually, and it's progressing nicely. I'm about halfway through my teeth-adventure, and Dr. Isom promises that I'll be able to eat at Thanksgiving. Haha.

Let's see... what else has been going on...Well, I've been getting a few more hours at work, which is nice. I love livingg on my own, but unfortunately the bills just seem like a never ending vaccuum. :( It's lame.

My love life has gotten interesting. I've gone on a few dates, with a couple of different guys, and it's been interesting to say the least. Dinner... Movies... Sunsets... The whole nine yards, and so far, no fireworks. Nothing really special happening, but that doesn't mean there isn't something interesting happening right around the corner. I went through this really lame phase last year where I was looking for someone, and I mean L-O-O-K-I-N-G. And honestly, after some of the dates and conversations I've had in the past couple of weeks, I think it's time to just enjoy life. I genuinely HAVENT been looking, and some interesting guys have been entering my life. There was R who liked to "share" his girlfriends... And then there was the guy who just didn't love Jesus.

It's exhausting, exciting, annoying and fun all at the same time.

Life of a twenty-something.