Growth

Tonight I realized something about myself that apparently I didn't know. As you know, dear reader, I love to give people things. Whether it's something small like a drink from Starbucks or filling up their gas tank. It doesn't matter. I love to do it. 

That being said, tonight I realized that I don't like when others do the same for me! Today I brought a friend of mine some fancy starbucks thing to celebrate his first day at our job. To return the favor, he got me a drink at our church's HeBrews coffee shop on campus. 

It made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable!! The worst part is, I don't know why! Honestly, it was a dollar soda, not a big deal at all... And yet it stressed me out to the point where I'm at home, hours later, and I'm still thinking about it. 

I KNOW that being a blessing in people's lives is something God has blessed me to do. So, I suppose when someone is trying to bless MY life, I should let them and just be thankful. 

Right?

Big changes

Do you ever feel like you're on the brink of making major life decision, but you just don't know if you can?

I believe wholeheartedly that God has put a call on my life. A call that, if followed, would change my entire world. It's not my job. I honestly believe I have found my niche and will be working with these kids for as long as God gives me breath. But it's some more personal. Something that, if accomplished, would be everything I never thought I wanted.  

Why don't I just jump in, you ask? Why don't I just throw caution to the wind and do what it is that I'm afraid of?

Because I am exactly that, afraid. 

Of failing. Of giving up. Of just plain not being good enough. I'm afraid. 

But you know what the worst part is? I'm more afraid of NOT doing it. If you're called to something, I mean REALLY called. God called. You have to do it, right? No matter the consequences? No matter how hard it seems or how sad you get thinking about it? If it's a clear straight forward direction...

I guess I know the answer. 

I'm not sure why I wrote about this tonight... Just to get my feelings out into the world I suppose. 

Life is changing, and I'm scared. 

But I am also really excited. 

Big changes happening in 2014 people. 

Big changes. 

Life lessons.

I have had four major jobs in my lifetime, and each of them has taught me something. 

My first job was at an optometrist's office in Summerlin. I filed papers. I registered new patients. I answered phone. Very straightforward. Towards the end of this job, I started being the person that calls and notifies people when their glasses or contacts are ready to be picked up. In doing this, I got to talk to and hear the stories of hundreds of people. What did I learn at this job, you ask? Well, simply that everyone has a story. People are out in your life for a reason and if someone older and wiser is telling you something, you do well to sit up and pay attention. 

My second job was at the YMCA. I worked there a long five years, and loved every minute of it. It was my first major dose of "other people's kids", and where I started thinking about my future. At sixteen, living anywhere in the world (but especially Las Vegas) there is temptation. Boys are good looking and charming, and nine time out of ten, want one thing. We all know what I mean here, right? Well, when I was sixteen, working at the Y, my life was no different. There were pressures all the time. Staff members. YMCA members. It was like my own dramatic small town. But going to work, and spending ten hours a day with those kids taught me one VALUABLE lesson. That I, Whitney, was not ready for kids. It sounds like a simple lesson, but something every sixteen year old should experience. 

My third job, which I had for only a year a half was at a charter school called Imagine Valle (Now, Quest Academy). I was in charge of the admin offices for the kindergarten site, and ran the afterschool program on top of everything else. During this job, my dad was sick in the hospital, and therein lies my lesson. Even now, I tend to keep myself busy. I don't like having a lot of down time. I don't spend a lot of time at home. I'm usually only here to sleep and shower, BUT that period of my life was SO busy, that there was a point in time where it all came crashing down. I quit my job. I'd never quit anything before. I spent seven hours a day sitting bedside in Summerlin hospital, skipping meals and lacking sleep. I took absolutely no time for myself, because in my mind, everyone else's needs were more important than my own. But on the last day I worked at Valle, I told my kids I was leaving. I didn't tell them beforehand, because I wasn't sure what their reaction would be. But I was surprised. They cried. They cried off and on for three hours, and I didn't understand why. I eventually talked to one of the oldest boys, and he told me that I had been their favorite. I had impacted them in such a way that the thought of me not being there made them sad and angry. My lesson from this job was a two - parter. Firstly to prioritize the important things. And secondly, to appreciate the little things. 

And lastly, my current job. I work at Shadow Hills Preschool in the front office doing a million and one things on a daily basis. I am always busy. Life is hectic and never endingly full of things to do. But there are moments, sweet moments, when I get to talk to one of the kids and hear them laugh. When I'm having a bad day, or a sad day, they're always there. They're always there to make me smile. Even the ones that just... Drive me crazy. I never go to work, and leave without having smiled at least once. My lesson from my job? Love what you're doing, or don't do it. 

Thanks for reading tonight, dear reader. 

Love ya. 

Wanna know a secret?

Today I found out that my blog is read in twenty three countries!! That's not the secret part, though. 

The secret is how I feel about this. 

Secretly, I'm pretty dang proud of myself. 

I know that sounds horrible. Being proud of oneself probably sounds stupid and prideful. But you know what, reader? I really enjoy writing this blog. I am enjoying the 365 days of blogging adventure I've started and you know what?! I am loving the fact that more and more people are getting to enjoy my writing. 

Nobody posts blogs JUST to put their thoughts out into the universe. People post on blogs because they want their voice to matter. They want someone else's life to somehow be impacted by their words, even if it's in a minor way. 

My blog may not change the world. I don't know where this blog is going to go over the next year, but it doesn't matter. If even one of my posts impacts one person's life for the better...

Well, that's all I can ask for. 

Important People. Part Five.

Tonight's post and the final chapter in this five part series is about Damian Cirincione. 

D was the leader and pastor of the college group at Shadow Hills during the time my dad was sick. He was there for me during the countless hours at the hospital. He and dozens of others prayed for me on a daily basis. He had that final conversation with my dad, and brought him to Christ. Damian is the one who gave me the peace of mind as my dad faded before my very eyes. 

Tonight's post is a short one, but let it be known... Without Damian Cirincione, I wouldn't have made it through those six months. Without him, I wouldn't have made it through the funeral. And without him, I wouldn't have the comfort of knowing that I will get to see my daddy in Heaven one day. 

Without Damian Cirincione, I wouldn't be who I am today. 

Thanks D. 

Important People. Part Four.

Tonight's post, sweet reader, is about Mrs. Victoria Ligon.

During the summer between seventh and eighth grades, my mom and I moved into a new house, and I tranfered schools from Molasky Junior High to Leavitt Middle School. I decided to join choir in the hopes of blending in, and getting through my last year of middle school unscathed. I didn't really know anyone, so I figured choir was a place I could blend in, and I had always like to sing. Win/win, right?

The first day I walked in, and met Mrs. Ligon, the director, I knew this year was going to be unlike any other. We did our warm ups, did amazing songs and bonded as a family. After winter break, we began to prepare for our spring recital. Mrs. Ligon decided on a bunch of songs, some of which made a medley of songs from the hit movie "My best friend's wedding". 

This is where it gets real. Mrs. Ligon held me after class one day, and strongly suggested that I audition for one of the solos in the medley. I started having a panic attack right then and there, but I had never felt so drawn to do something before. I knew this was my chance, my moment. 

The day came. That fateful Friday, and those who wanted to audition, did. I sang my heart out, but I spent all weekend wishing, hoping, thinking, praying (pun intended) and wondering what the outcome would be.

I got the solo. 

I practiced day and night for 3 months, and then came the night of the big spring recital. The notes on the piano began to play, and there was a build up to the moment when I was to sing my heart out in front of a couple hundred of my closest friends, families and complete strangers. 

I sang. I remembered all of the words. My timing was right where it needed be. And best of all, I didn't faint or throw up! It was a personal victory! 

If Mrs. Ligon hadn't invested in me, and hadn't pushed me out of my comfort zone, I wouldn't have tried out. If I hadn't tried out, I wouldn't have shown off my voice in front of all of those people. And if I hadn't broken out of my shell at that point, I don't know where I'd be today.

It's funny. 

As I'm typing this post, I can still remember all of the lyrics and notes of that solo! Ha! This makes me smile! If you see me around in the next few days and you want to hear it, let me know!!

Until next time!

Important People. Part Three.

Tonight's post is about my favorite small group leader.

The "How We Met" : I used to attend a church called Canyon Ridge Christian Church. I volunteered on Saturday nights in the 2 year old room, taking care of kids while their parents attended service. One week, we had a new kid, Andrew, who was extremely nervous about staying. So, his older brother, Timothy, decided to stay with him. After talking to him, I found out that they'd just moved to Nevada from California.  A few moons later, his mom, Kathy, decided to start and host a high school - aged small group at their house. Therein, I met Kathy.

We met every Monday night for what seemed like ever. We read out of the Bible. We watched DVDs with mini-lessons from famous Christian speakers. We had game nights and swimming nights. We had coed groups where we'd cover everything from furthering our relationship with Christ to furthering the Kingdom by telling our friends about the gospel. We had all-girl time, where we covered issues relating to high school girl-life. Boys, dating, bodies, sex and everything and anything else you can think of.

We talked. She listened. Completely impartial, and ready to impart her years of wisdom and experience. There were many nights where we probably overstayed our welcome because we just didn't want to leave.

I am so thankful to have had all the experiences I had in that house with Kathy.

I wouldn't be the woman I am today if you hadn't been there.