Why can't I take a compliment?

Today I had a very real discussion with someone about my inability to take a compliment. 

One of our preschool parents has become a friend of mine. I see him in bible study during the week and at church on the weekend. And this week, I saw him at choir rehearsal on Wednesday night. 

Today we were talking about the impending worship set this weekend, and I was telling him that I'm a bit nervous. He responds by telling me that I have no need to be nervous. That God has blessed me with a special gift, and that it's my responsibility to use it to further the Kingdom. 

All of these things are really nice things to say to someone. 

In response to these kind words, I begin to criticize my voice, and verbally doubting my ability to help lead worship in big church this weekend. 

He looks at me, leans down on the front counter and says the following...

"Look at me. God gave you a gift. It's your job to use it, and I am trying to tell you that I appreciate your gift. Can you let me pay you a compliment?" And then smiled and walked away. 

What is my issue? I love to sing. I love to sing in front of people. Even when I am so nervous that I think I may throw up... I still love to sing. And for me to question my God given talent is wrong. 

Bring it on. 

I just don't understand.

Today I was talking to one of the moms at my preschool, and she told me the most horrific story. She works at an elementary school in town, and had a three year old boy brought into the office with a huge bruise on his cheek. Upon inspection of him and his younger sister, they were covered in bruises and burn marks. Obviously CPS was called and the situation is being handled. 

I just don't understand. I don't understand how someone could get to the point where they think hurting a child is okay. How in this world could someone believe that a defenseless little person deserves something like that. 

Just thinking about this breaks my heart. 

I just don't understand :/

Choir

Tonight I went to choir practice. 

So many emotions as the night unfolded. 

It was SO much fun to be surrounded by people who love music! Using all that music theory I learned for all those years! It felt amazing! 

Then, toward the end, Ms. Sheila asked who wanted could be around all weekend, and be the "praise band" aka the ones who help Mark lead the musical aspects of the service. 

I don't know what made my hand go up!

But I am scared as crap. That's a lot of people, and a lot of pressure haha. 

I'm nervous but excited. 

I'll let y'all know how it goes!

Check back sweet reader!

Immunizations

Tonight, I went to dinner with some friends and we got on to the topic of immunizations. 

This is a hot button issue in America today. There are a lot of people out there who believe that immunizing their child will cause autism or ADHD or other things. 

I think this is insane. 

First off, there's no medical report that supports this. But there are people out there that believe that immunizing their babies will actually cause something "wrong" with them? I'm sorry, but people have been getting immunized long before this sudden outbreak off ADHD and autism.

Now, don't get me wrong, I realize that ADHD and autism are difficult thing to deal with. I've seen it in kids that I've worked with over the year, and I can only imagine what it would be like to have my own child struggle with those diseases.

But I'm sorry, I don't believe for a second that preventing deadly diseases have suddenly started causing those kinds of changes in the brain. 

Commitment issues???

If you've read my blog for any extended period of time, you'll know that when I drive home at night, I tend to talk out loud... Not a prayer exactly. Just a chat with Jesus I guess. 

So during tonight's chat, I had a revelation. 

I was thinking about relationships. Not romantic relationships, thought they might be part of this too, but I'm thinking about friendships mostly. 

I have always been a social person. I don't really have a tough time talking to new people or anything like that, but I have a hard time cultivating friendships. I don't know why this is, but I know it's unfortunately true. When a friendship gets too personal or too stressful, or even just too... Deep, I'm out. I bail. 

It sounds dramatic, but it's true! 

I don't really have friends from my childhood left anymore. I am "friends" with them on Facebook... But I'm not actually FRIENDS with them. I don't talk to them very often, if ever. I don't see them on any kind of regular basis.

Now, I do have a few good friends in my life right now, that I know will be around for a good long time.

Hm...

I don't really know where I was going with this blog post tonight. Just something I've noticed about myself. I don't keep friends really well. Apparently it's some kind of commitment issues. Ha.

I don't really know how to end this post except to say that this is something I plan on working on.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day that I pay off everything for my trip to Georgia. 

I will be leaving and spending ten days in my favorite place with some awesome people! And I am excited!

I can not wait until I step off the plane and see that Augusta tree line!

It makes me smile just thinkin about it. 

I am counting down the days...

The Breakfast Club

I'm sitting here watching the 80's cult classic "The Breakfast Club", and analyzing my life.

Every time I watching movies, I compare it to myself and my life and my story.

This movie is one of the most well known movies of all time. Five high school kids get locked up in a Saturday detention, and get to know each other and themselves over the course of a nine hour time lapsed day. They're given an assignment to write an essay about who they think they are. 

Have you ever thought about that question? 

Who are you?

What defines you?

What or who made you who you are?

Are you a "good person"? 

How does the world see you?

Do you base you actions on what others will think of you?

Are there certain people in your life who's opinions of you matter more than others?

Why? Why do people's opinions of you matter? Should they? Should they not? I feel like this is something I stress about constantly. 

I know that the right thing is that people's opinions should matter but not dictate our actions.

That's what I think.

People are always going to judge what you do and what you say. Always. But they're opinions shouldn't be what dictates your life. But somehow, it does. 

Just something to think about.

I don't know why eighties movies are so thought provoking.