Sometimes I forget how great my life is...

There are moments when I forget how great my life is. 

Today was stressful. More so than usual for a Friday, and it was a longer day than normal as well. Parent problems. Kid problems. Coworker problems. It all seemed never ending. 

And then I started driving home. I called my best friend and chatted for a few minutes, and then I just drove. I rolled my window down, because it had finally stopped raining, and I just breathed. 

I love the smell of rain. I love seeing the lights of my enormous home town. I love listening to Mandisa belt out song about Jesus. 

Sometimes I forget how great my life is, but then it rains. 

And then I remember. 

It is by grace that we've been saved.

Do you ever feel like you're not good enough for heaven?

This is a random, out of the blue, post today, but it's something that's been on my mind. 

I know that there are verses upon verses saying how it's not by works that heaven is promised. It's by grace that we've been saved. I understand this, but do you ever just feel like you're not cuttin' it? Like you're not living up to you God-given potential?   

I think I'm having a day where I feel like this. Random story. 

Enjoy your Thursday. 

How do you deal with stress?

I learned today that I don't handle stress all that well. Work and life is fairly stressful at the moment, and my eye has developed this like... Twitch. I think it's because I haven't been sleeping much and when I do, it isn't that great. 

I need to learn to deal with the stress better. 

Amen?

Tonight's post will be short and sweet, but it's something I was reminded of today. I had a long day, with an afternoon of chaos and excitement. Good news. Bad news. But you know what?

God is good. All the time. 

Amen?

Abortion

Today, I had a discussion with someone about my pro-life stance on abortion.

This is a touchy subject, but this my forum, so I'll post what I want to. Ha!

There is a popular opinion in the world today that it should be a woman's choice whether or not her baby should be brought into this world. Maybe the baby's presence wasn't planned or maybe the soon-to-be parents aren't financially stable enough to support and provide for a baby. 

So a large population of women (in their child bearing years) believe that it's perfectly fine to sleep with someone and the next morning pop the "Plan B" pill. 

I just don't understand this way of thinking.

Do you remember that story on the news a while back when they found that microscopic organism on Mars, and everyone was SO excited because there was proven life on Mars? So, sweet reader, explain to me how the scientists of the world can say that the tiny little organism on mars is "life", but a baby at the moment of conception isn't?

A lot of people will say, "Oh, if you take the 'morning after' pill, the baby doesn't even know what's happening. It's like the conception never happened." Well, dear reader, that's a load of junk. 

In my opinion, life happens at the moment of conception. In my opinion, everything happens for a reason. And in my opinion, if you decide to have a night of fun with your significant person, you'd better be prepared for anything that may happen.

In today's society, birth control, even the best of the best, isn't 100% effective. 

I'm not judging anyone in their life choices. That wouldn't be fair of me, because everyone makes life choices. But, my dear reader, it should NOT be a choice to end a human life.

And that's it.

I am pro-life, and there's no changing my mind. 

Now comes the inevitable moment when someone is reading this saying "what about someone who is raped? If they happen to get pregnant because of their rapist, is it fair to ask them to carry the baby? To carry their rapists baby, a daily reminder of the trauma they've endured?"

And to this, my answer is yes. I know this may sound heartless, but it goes back to my opinion that everything happens for a reason. I am geniunely distraught for the women out there who've endured rape, and if that same woman is then to find out that she is pregnant, I can't even imagine... But is it fair to then end that person's life? That's what the baby is... a person. 

If you don't want to keep this daily reminder, I can't blame you. I can imagine the difficulty. But there are thousands of couples out there that can't have kids that would gladly adopt.

To round out tonight's discussion, my opinion can be stated as clearly as this:

I believe that a baby is a baby no matter how small. 

I believe that abortion is wrong, no matter the reason. 

End of story.

I finally unpacked a box.

Have you ever had a complete moment of clarity?

I don't know what my mindset had been the past couple of years. I have been perfectly fine, up until this point, to just get by. Not necessarily in a bad way. I haven't settled myself anywhere, because I had no idea what the plan for my life was. At this point, last year, I was living in a cute house with my friend and his dad. My family life hasn't always been the greatest, and while it's better now, it's really only good when I'm not living at home. I wasn't financially stable enough to be living on my own, so my friend and his dad invited me to stay there. The only problem was that I never let myself settle. 

I never unpacked any boxes. I never hung up artwork, or even let myself call where I was living "home". That housing arrangement ended up not working out because we were renting the house, and life happens. I bounced around last year... an insane amount actually. I even house sat one of the preschool parents' houses for two weeks while they were in Italy, for the pure and simple reason that I had NO WHERE else to go. It was the saddest and craziest time of my life thus far.

At the end of those two weeks, I was texting a friend of mine who owns his own house, and now I rent the downstairs floor from him, and I love it. Obviously I'm not going to stay here forever, but I had a major revelation last night. After I posted last night's blog post, I was sitting on my bed, watching Glee on Netflix (again) and looking around my room pondering my life and it's direction. I have boxes that aren't unpacked. I've told people I've unpacked, but I really haven't. In all honesty, I've been afraid to. I haven't had much stability in my life... like ever, so to let myself unpack boxes means that for the next 6 months or year or whatever, that I'm okay calling this place "home". 

I love my space. My room is really big, and fits all of my things, and there's room to spare. Right now, half of the room is packed up boxes, but last night, I unpacked one. I actually ended up throwing most of what was in it away. I was looking through this box that has been packed since LAST JUNE. Last June was when I moved out of the house with my friend and his dad, and until I moved into my current house, these same boxes were in a storage facility. Now, they're in neat piles in my room, and since I moved in, I've been living around them. I haven't felt a need to unpack them. I haven't felt a need to settle, because if I settle, that means that I am allowing myself to be emotionally vulnerable.

If you've read this blog for any amount of time, emotional vulnerability isn't my strong suit.

So, long story short, I finally unpacked a box. I feel secure enough in my life that I unpacked a box. Tonight, after writing this post, maybe I'll unpack another one. Maybe I'll unpack another one tomorrow night and one mroe the night after that.

But there has been a step in the right direction.

Unforgivenss.

I am probably the worst example of forgiveness.

I am a grudge-holder in every sense of the word. I was self-analyzing today in between my busy Saturday events, and realized that there are a lot of "hurts" that I hold on to. 

It's not a big secret. I haven't had the easiest life, and a large part of that is to a seemingly endless stream of poor choices on my part. I was raised to act a certain way, and I, of course, thought I knew better. So, needless to say, I have some memories that aren't my favorite.

Some of these memories include unforgivenss. 

I harbor a lot of resentment toward people, but the reasons are unhealthy. 

I have expectations of people. Some are high expectations, some are not so high, and if people don't live up to those expectations, I start to resent them. I know I shouldn't, and that's something I'm praying through and working on. But it's something that I've recently learned about myself.

I am genuinely afraid that if I don't get a handle on this I won't have anyone left in my life, worth having.

Just some musings on this Saturday night.