Grieving.

I've been getting a lot of flack lately for not outwardly grieving for my dad. Here's the thing... I'm okay.


Yes, I'm sad. Very, in fact. I miss him more than anything I've ever missed before, and the hole I feel sometimes aches so much, that it feel likes a real hole. I loved my dad more than anyone in the world (besides Jesus and Matthew). He was my best friend. He was the most caring, sweet, bright and supportive father there'll ever be. I can't describe the feeling I have when something reminds me of him. It's the worst thing in the world sometimes... but sometimes it makes me smile. Sometimes I laugh at salt shakers, because he used more salt than most of Las Vegas combined. I've been watching all of his favorite movies, because that's what we bonded over. But sometimes, if I see someone with a grey beard and mustache, or someone in a Northwest Girls Softball t-shirt, I want to cry.

I'm not an outwardly emotional person. I am a bottle-it-up, only let it out once in a while, kind of person. I don't  know why. That's just how I've always been. It's not easily going to change. But receiving messages and calls criticizing my way of grieving is making things worse.

What I need is for people to treat me normally. What I need is for people to simply ask, "how are you doing?" and leave it at that. I need to start trying to have a normal life, and I NEED people to help me.

It may sound rude, but please don't criticize.

I love you.