Do you ever have certain points in your life timeline where you lol around and feel completely disconnected?
I'm going through this... I don't know, stage? I feel like, so many things are happening and so many things are changing, that instead of trying to balance everything, I've just shut down. I've just physically and emotionally disconnected myself from SO many things lately. It's crazy.
Im not sure I'm even explaining myself very well. Haha.
Okay. For example. My college group at my church. We are a group of amazing 18-25 year old people who love Jesus. Okay. There are some awesome people in my group, there's no doubting that, but lately, there's been this ever-growing feeling of disconnect. I'm at the point where I feel like there are very few people I can actually talk to there. I'm at the point where most times I don't even want to BE there. And you know the worst part? Sometimes I'll find myself at the end of a LOGOS night, and when everyone gets up and chit chats, I just stand there. I feel like no one cares about me, because no one really ever comes over and talks to me. And I don't want this to sound like I'm exaggerating, because I'm not. It literally happens every single Tuesday and Sunday.
I realize this is probably very out of the blue for you as my reader. I generally have a pretty easy life going. But lately. I don't know. I just feel like nobody cares.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I hate talking about feelings
If you've ever read my blog, or my Facebook or even my twitter, you know that I don't like talking about my feelings. Talking through them makes me unbearably uncomfortable and it lets people into my little private world.
All of that being said, this is going to be one of those rare blog posts where I divulge personal thoughts, and as uncomfortable as it's making me, I feel it must be done.
I used to love the holidays. I used to love the music and the food and the general overall "happy spirit" everyone gets between Halloween and New Years. Now a days, I just hate it. I feel like I lost my holiday spirit when my dad died. He was the one who wanted to drive around for hours and look at lights. He was the one who loved all the food, the turkey and mashed potatoes and everything else. He's the one who would watch the same Christmas movies over and over. And he was the one who would play marathon game of monopoly to ring in the new year. He was my best friend, my constant.
All of this being said, I know I have people who love me in my life right now. I know I still have my mom and my other family. I know I still have my church. I know all of these things. AND I know that three days before he died, my dad decided to love Jesus, so ONE DAY I will get to see and talk to him again. I know all of these things.
But when I sit alone in my little apartment, or when I'm driving in my car, or really anywhere, I miss him. I miss him all day, every single day. I've tried to fill that void with other things, which, of course, turn out badly. I've done everything I've ever been advised to do to make myself feel better, and still, here I am. Surrounded by people, and lonelier than I've ever been.
All of that being said, this is going to be one of those rare blog posts where I divulge personal thoughts, and as uncomfortable as it's making me, I feel it must be done.
I used to love the holidays. I used to love the music and the food and the general overall "happy spirit" everyone gets between Halloween and New Years. Now a days, I just hate it. I feel like I lost my holiday spirit when my dad died. He was the one who wanted to drive around for hours and look at lights. He was the one who loved all the food, the turkey and mashed potatoes and everything else. He's the one who would watch the same Christmas movies over and over. And he was the one who would play marathon game of monopoly to ring in the new year. He was my best friend, my constant.
All of this being said, I know I have people who love me in my life right now. I know I still have my mom and my other family. I know I still have my church. I know all of these things. AND I know that three days before he died, my dad decided to love Jesus, so ONE DAY I will get to see and talk to him again. I know all of these things.
But when I sit alone in my little apartment, or when I'm driving in my car, or really anywhere, I miss him. I miss him all day, every single day. I've tried to fill that void with other things, which, of course, turn out badly. I've done everything I've ever been advised to do to make myself feel better, and still, here I am. Surrounded by people, and lonelier than I've ever been.
Monday, November 5, 2012
My one political post
Good afternoon.
I don't often write about controversial issues, because while I believe my beliefs are correct, I don't like to start fights. But tomorrow is November sixth, Election Day, and it's a heated and very serious topic of discussion amongst my friends, family and coworkers.
I voted for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan for two specific reasons (though there are many to debate about).
Number one. President Obama had all these visions and promises of "hope and change", and while I admire his drive, over the past four years, our country has gone downhill in everything. We are trillions of dollars in the hole. Our test scores, and funding for our education system is pathetic. Our unemployment numbers are reprehensible. And we have record numbers of people on public assistance. Yes, Mr. President, you did bring change, but not good change.
Number two. Mitt Romney has some good plans. He has legitimate plans to help create jobs and cut spending. Real, plausible, plans, that when out into action, could put our country on the track towards what it once was. He has a good moral and business background, and to find a candidate like that now a days is rare. A lot of people criticize Mr. Romney for being Mormon. In elementary school, we were taught that the early settlers came to this country in search of religious freedom. I may not agree with 100% of Mr. Romney's beliefs, but who am I to judge him? He and I stand on the same side on a lot of important issues, and that's what matters.
Tomorrow is an important day.
Go out and vote.
Make your voice heard, and make it count.
I don't often write about controversial issues, because while I believe my beliefs are correct, I don't like to start fights. But tomorrow is November sixth, Election Day, and it's a heated and very serious topic of discussion amongst my friends, family and coworkers.
I voted for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan for two specific reasons (though there are many to debate about).
Number one. President Obama had all these visions and promises of "hope and change", and while I admire his drive, over the past four years, our country has gone downhill in everything. We are trillions of dollars in the hole. Our test scores, and funding for our education system is pathetic. Our unemployment numbers are reprehensible. And we have record numbers of people on public assistance. Yes, Mr. President, you did bring change, but not good change.
Number two. Mitt Romney has some good plans. He has legitimate plans to help create jobs and cut spending. Real, plausible, plans, that when out into action, could put our country on the track towards what it once was. He has a good moral and business background, and to find a candidate like that now a days is rare. A lot of people criticize Mr. Romney for being Mormon. In elementary school, we were taught that the early settlers came to this country in search of religious freedom. I may not agree with 100% of Mr. Romney's beliefs, but who am I to judge him? He and I stand on the same side on a lot of important issues, and that's what matters.
Tomorrow is an important day.
Go out and vote.
Make your voice heard, and make it count.
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