Testimony.

Can we talk about testimonies for a minute?

A while back (in August), I wrote a small paragraph in the middle of a blog about testimonies. I am proud to say after HOURS of writing, one meeting with my pastor, 3 rewrites, 10 verses and a partridge in a pear tree... it's finally done :)

I'm nervous about actually giving it, though. Like, actually getting up in front of people and telling them all of ins and outs of my life scares the crap out of me... but ever since that day talking to Kevin at camp, and really even before that, I've just felt this pressing need to do this. I've never really felt anything this God-driven in my life before, and I'm excited about it.

I don't think me telling my story is going to really be life altering for anyone, but who knows? When I met with Jason, he said that maybe the reason that I feel so strongly about doing this is because there's someone in the group who needs to hear it. Maybe there's someone who's going through the same things I went through, and they need someone to talk to. And I guess it's possible.

I don't really feel like I'm full of advice, but if I'm meant to help someone, even if it's only one person, I guess it's something I've got to do.

Until next time friends.

Love you.

A White Line.

I had an interesting conversation with one of my friends today, and it's been on my mind ever since. We were at lunch, and discussing how, when people are new christians, that they sometimes think that there's a white line dividing behavior. Is it God-honoring? Is it not?

When I first accepted Christ, I almost went crazy trying to live a "perfect" life. I used to get SOOO frustrated with myself when I would do something wrong. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel guilty when you do something wrong, or say something wrong, or think something that you shouldn't? When I was new to things, it made me feel like a failure. After a while, I actually started thinking that maybe I wasn't good enough to be part of God's family, because I couldn't seem to do anything right. I think this is something we need to take into account when we bring our loved ones into our church family. When we bring our friends and family into this new life, I think it's our responsibility to make sure that they understand that no one's perfect, and even though we can try our hardest, we never will be. No matter what. It's sort of defeating if you think about it in just that context, but if you ever feel defeated, all you need to remember is that Jesus died for you. The only person in the entire existence of the world who was perfect, the only one, died for you. Did you know that Jesus would've died for the all of the sin on earth, even if it was just for you? Did you know that?

Do you fathom what that means?

It means you're loved. It means that you're God's child. You were chosen, LONG before you ever existed to be part of God's family. You're not perfect, but God loves you anyway.

That's what it means.

Thought of the day. Love you guys.

Goodnight.

Dr. Brantley

I had an interesting conversation today with someone, and it's been on my mind ever since.

I went to Starbucks this morning, and I saw Dr. Brantley. He was my dad's pulmonologist (lung doctor) when my dad was at Summerlin Hospital. He was in line ahead of me, and I wasn't planning on saying anything because I figured that he's had hundreds of patients, and that he wouldn't remember me at all. Well, I was mistaken. When he turned around, he smiled and said hey, and asked how I'd been.

I was surprised he remembered me at all. Lol. It was a pleasant surprise actually. Though, obviously my dad is no longer around, our experience at Summerlin was amazing. The staff, everyone from doctors to nurses to orderlies... everyone was amazing and concerned and sweet to us.

Dr. Brantley asked me how everything was going, and how everyone in my family was. He didn't remember everyone's names, but he remembered my face,and some of the details of my dad's case... It was crazy. It almost made me feel... better. Thanksgiving was hard, because my dad wasn't there, so some comfort, even from a stranger, was awesome.

Anywho. So Dr. Brantley and I chatted for just a few more minutes, but he seemed genuinely interested in making sure that I was doing okay. He asked if I had taken advantage of any of the grief counselling classes that the hospices offer. I told him that I'd tried a couple of things, but that I hadn't really followed through on anything.

It was such an awesome conversation. It was only a few minutes, but we talked about dealing with the grief, how bottling it up can actually hurt a lot more than it seems like. He asked me what the hardest part about the whole situation was, and I told him that besides the obvious point that my father was no longer around, that the hardest part was making all of the decisions. Signing papers and making life and death decisions for someone who's unconscious and can't make decisions for themselves. It's something I never thought I'd have to do. It's something I don't think ANYONE should ever have to do.

I am amazingly appreciative that Dr. Brantley took time out of his busy schedule to help me. :)

Love you friends.

Until next time.

Eight pounds.

It's been 9 days since I revamped this weight loss adventure, and I am proud to say that I've lost eight pounds already :) I'm actually pretty proud of myself! :)

I'm no where near where I want to be, but I'm on the way!

Thanks for the few of you that have been sooo supportive!

Love you.

Day 7.

I am 7 days into this new weight loss adventure, and it's been interesting. I've been eating a LOT better. More chicken. More veggies. More movement on my part.

I need to get my scale from my mom's house to actually keep track of my progress, but so far I'm excited :)

Thanks for the continued support :)

I love you friends.

Jamaica? Ghana?

I've been thinking a lot about mission trips lately.

I have a friend who has told me to think outside the box, and to live life outside of my comfort zone. I've done a bunch of mission trips in my life, mostly to Mexico. But my favorite one was after hurricane Katrina when we went with a team of 14 down to Mississippi and rebuilt a house for an awesome woman and her daughter. I loved the sense of purpose it gave me. I loved bonding with my fellow team members. But most of all, I loved seeing the little girl's smile at the end of the trip when she saw her new hot pink bedroom. I loved knowing that because God told me to, I did a good thing, and it was appreciated.

So, here I am, thinking about another mission trip. I haven't done one since I made the switch to Shadow Hills, and that's something that has been missing from my life. All of those weeks in Mexico and everywhere else made me smile, and made me feel SO good :)

So I got online tonight and googled. I looked over the IMB website, and requested information on a trip (3 months) to Ghana. And I got on the MissionDiscovery website and requested information on a trip to Jamaica.

So, I'm praying about it. Researching it.

Do I feel called to be a career missionary? No.

But do I feel like there's a pressing need to go out into the world? Yes.

Do I have any excuses not to go? Nope.

So, that's where I am right now. That's where my mind's at.

Nothing is set in stone, but things are started.

Biggest Loser

I have a strange fascination with this show. I LOVE to watch it. It's motivation, and the health tips are amazing :) BUT, I get un-motivated easily. Lol. All it takes is ONE day of not exercising or ONE meal that isn't healthy.

Well, I'm on one of those kicks right now. Where I don't do a whole lot but church and work. I don't exercise, like, at all. I haven't really cared what I've been eating.

So, I'm sitting here watching The Biggest Loser reruns on Netflix, and it's motivating. It makes me want to do more. It makes me want to get started on a new life. After camp last year, I lost like 35 lbs, and I'm pretty dang sure I've gained all of that back, and it's depressing.

I want to do better. I want to eat better. I want to be healthier.

So I'm gonna get started. It's not going to be some overnight thing. I'm not crazy. I know I'm not going to drop a bunch of weight right away, but I need to get started.

Unconditional

Do you love unconditionally?

I don't. It's something I'm working on...

But if God can love us unconditionally, we should be able to do the same. Or at least try...

Just something I'm thinking about.

Serenity.

I have people in my life who have been affected by alcoholism, and are currently in AA, and they have that mantra...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

I've been thinking about this saying a lot lately. It's actually on a little note card taped to my bathroom mirror.

I have this idea of how life should be. I have this idea of how I thought my life would turn out, who would be in it, what I would do for the rest of my life. I had all these plans. Then life actually happens, and some of the things that were planned (well, actually a lot of what was planned) haven't turned out the way I wanted, or haven't worked out at all. It's interesting and depressing to think about sometimes, but then I reread this saying it feels easier. I think this saying to myself quite often, and it does give me a sense of peace.

Just something I was thinking about...

Happy.

The past few days, I've been thinking a lot about my life and the people in it.

I used to have this dream. I literally had it, like once a week in high school and the dream went like this...

I walk into a gym, like a high school gymnasium, and everyone who's ever entered into my life (even for a short time) is standing there in rows. They're frozen, just standing there, perfectly still. And then the ENTIRE dream is me walking to each and every person and telling them how they've impacted me and my world both positively and negatively. I told them what I honestly thought of their actions and attitudes toward me, and then I'd move on to the next person.

It's the strangest dream I've ever had, and the frequency in which I've had this dream is insane. Well, as I said, I used to have this dream in high school... I had it for a couple years afterwards, I still had it... up until about 2 years ago... And then last night, it came back. it was different though. None of my high school friends were there. it was all of my new friends, my new family. It was an interesting and enlightening experience. I said things to these "statues" that I would never have said in real life. Lol. There's not really a point to telling you, the reader, this story. It's insane to think about.

I had a really good day today. My kids were especially good today at work. They were absolutely angels, and that happens on only RARE occasions, so I couldn't help but smile :) then I came home from work, and my room mates and Brandon were getting started on moving our newest room mate's bed upstairs into her room as a surprise. I was sooo happy that I got home just in time to help :) Then I had a yummy dinner and got to watch some episodes of Private Practice. I got to chat with 2 good friends, one on a mission and one serving in Afghanistan.

All in all, I've had an amazing day, and I thank God every day for the people and the opportunities He's given me.

Life is good. God provides.

Until next time.