Alone.

So my mom and her husband left today for Arizona. They go every year right after Christmas, to visit his family, so off they went. My mom almost didn't go. She thought I'd get depressed being in a house by myself so soon after my dad died... I told her to go, and that I'd be fine, but I now wish she had stayed. Literally, as soon as they left, I wanted to see her face. I got through little moments. Pastor Bob told me that it gets easier day to day, and that usually it'll just be little things that'll make me miss him.

I've had very few breakdowns, but I miss him every day. It's weird that I can't just call or text him, or just go over to his house. It's weird that I can't ask his advice on things. The worst part is when I think about my future without him there. He won't be at my wedding. He won't get to meet his grandkids. He won't get to see me turn into an actual adult. It makes me sad to think about.

Does it ever get easier?

I guess I'm not really expecting an answer to this question. Just sending it out into the void...

I love you.